When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which had a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite, and a Jacuzzi.

As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the home bordered.  They would have golfing privileges every day.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

St. Peter replied, "This is heaven; you play for free."

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch featuring the cuisines of the World.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet?  This is heaven! It's free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods?" the old man inquired.

With enthusiasm, St. Peter explained, "That's the best part! You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you never get fat, and you never get sick! This is Heaven!"

With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.

Trying to calm him down, St. Peter and his wife both asked what was wrong.  The old man looked at his wife and yelled, "This is all your fault!  If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"